Bringing Chess to Visually Impaired People

The Gazette - May 2012

Edited by Rebecca Blaevoet
The views expressed in the Gazette do not necessarily reflect the policies or views of the BCA, nor those of the editor.

Joan’s Poem on the Windermere Chess Theme Break

This poem was both penned and read out at the end of the week by Joan Shorrock in her full Lancashire dialect. It is based upon a traditional Lancashire comic poem about a boat trip called “Per Tuppence per Person per Trip”. As well as using quotes for speech, Joan has also placed phrases or paraphrases from the original poem in quotes. When performing this poem, Joan read out the original poem first but as I do not have a copy of this, I hope this short explanation will suffice.

For those who weren’t at Windermere, Sheri and Bob are both members of the Windermere Manor staff and organise and run the various trips, Sheri just returning from a long spell in Thailand. Ben was one of the waiters, who no one could accuse of being shy and retiring, and in jest would often refer to us as riff raff and call everyone Doris. I pointed out to him last year that with his Lancashire accent, his voice had a striking resemblance to Paddy McGinnis, and so, “No likee no lightee” became Ben’s catch phrase.

The reference to Thuy relates to our visit to St. Oswald’s Church in Grasmere, where Thuy apparently climbed up into the pulpit and in his striking impersonation of Peter Gibbs, feigned to read out the chess pairings as an epistle of St. Peter. Thuy obviously sharing the same juvenile humour as myself, as although I wasn’t in the church at the same time and thus knew nothing of this, I also climbed up into the extremely high pulpit with my best vicar’s voice and announced a hymn or two. Unfortunately, one of us, and I think it was Thuy, did our little prank not knowing that there was someone sitting in the church in quiet reflection, who apparently gave the daring reprobate a look of disgust!

I will now hand you over to Joan. Enjoy!

Near the banks of Windermere on Lancashire side

Lies Windermere Manor Hotel.

Where chess players come from far and wide

And many a tale I could tell.

Now our guide has just returned from abroad,

Very adaptable is Shery.

But back to us lot and the Lakeland weather,

She decided to miss the ferry.

A sail was planned for the “day off”,

We waited for the boat on the slip.

“How much for this lot” said Bob to the man.

“Per tuppence per person per trip”.

“You’re not charging tuppence just for a dog” said Mary,

“You’re having a joke”.

“Tuppence per person and dogs” said the man,

“And them as can’t pay has to walk”.

“We can walk as well”, said Mary,

“Come on, it’s just wet and clear there’s no fog”.

So into the water the three of them stepped,

Mary and Jim and the dog.

Very soon they were up to their necks

And Oakie was clean out of sight.

Said Jim “Where’s Oakie?”

And Mary replied, “I’ve got hold of his lead he’s all right”.

They got Mary out, it were rather a job,

And Oakie, we couldn’t see him.

Then pushing a line o’er side of boat,

Started fishing around for Jim.

With everyone else accounted for,

They searched for Jim until dawn.

And with him being in the water for so long,

He came up as pink as a pawn … prawn.

Celia and Sheri both did a quiz,

Our Soiree was a sheer delight.

With singers and poets and musicians too,

For tuppence per person per night?

We all went to Grasmere on Friday

And Tanvi went shopping again.

Some of us went to the churchyard

And walked in the pouring rain.

So Shery took us into the church to shelter from the sleet a

Rev. Thuy Mallaleiu read from the letter according to Peter.

One day to Ben’s superlative surprise some customers came into view.

There was Peter and Celia and Maurice too.

“I’ll buy everyone a drink” said Peter.

He wasn’t quite himself, no doubt.

“Tuppence per person per drink” said Ben,

“And them as can’t pay does without”.

“Now listen Doris” said Peter to Ben,

“We’re not riff raff you know”.

“It’s still tuppence per person per drink” Ben replied,

“No likee, no pay, then you go”.

“We will go an’ all” said Peter “Come on”.

Then he knocked Ben to the floor.

In the spirit that’s made Lancashire what it is,

Ben then gave Peter what for!

Soon all the Manor joined in the fight.

Bloodshed on the car park I fear.

But all agreed t’was best holiday they’d had,

So everyone booked for next year.

One more thing I’d like to say before the week is done,

Congratulations to the champion, lovely jubbly George has won!

Joan Shorrock